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Pshak RIP

  • Sep. 12th, 2007 at 6:43 PM
biting
Well that was a strange Maelstrom. I'm not quite ready to give the finer details, but the short stroy is overal it was a fabulous event, with some excellent role playing opportunities. The game has been upped and so much stuff happened.

For me personally though it was fairly shitty due to character death just beofre time out on Friday. Which was fine, and i got to say the words c**tf**ker alot which helped. However i then did not expect on Sat to be hit with a combination of adrenalin come-down, non-existence and feeling utterly emotionally bereft. Couldnt really get into Malomar the avian i had upgraded to primary as a result, so will not be playing her again.


The a nightmareish car journey involving the new cars gearbox falling out, and 5 hrs waiting and getting home at 5am sealed my emotional state.


Beginning to recover now. Advice on coping with emotional consequences of character death & hugs gratefully achieved. I can actually feel the programme emotional & pysiological responses of real life grieving processes taking place which is a real head f**k

Possibly some posthumous fic when i can cope with it.
  • Mood: melancholy

Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
[info]anotherusedpage wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 05:52 pm (UTC)
Don't feel stupid for greiving her. If you need to do it, take the time and do it properly. Just because she's fictional doesn't mean she wasn't psychologically important to you...

(I've been feeling odd on and off about quite how intense and flashbacky I've been feeling since the event.)

Sorry you're journey back was shitty.
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[info]penguin_worship wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks for understanding hon. I noticed Tami's black armband *squee*

But yes very emotionally draining and flash backy - in ways i hadn't suspected.

I do however keep reminding myself how much "stuff" kicked off afterwards *grin* and i have the beginnings of a new character concept forming, which could be made of *win*

And i hope people wont stop themselves killing it, if thats the appropriate IC action (0r its dark and they cant see me :P) just due to me having got emotionally involved in Pshak, as its nothing like a "pls dont kill off my character cos i can't cope" its more a "oops weird reaction - need to put in safeguards and/or just deal with it"

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[info]wiffly_shwoo wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 05:55 pm (UTC)
Wasp hugs are strong! Waspor!
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[info]penguin_worship wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:33 pm (UTC)
Pshak was weak. She is purged. This is Waspor

*grin*

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[info]electrokin wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 10:33 pm (UTC)
Pah! Pshack wasn't weak, she was just not 'quite' cunning enough, she failed to be more dangerous than the world and was judged by ser...

I mean..Ahem... she didn't uphold..the..written..learn..the..what was that tenant again?
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[info]capnplague wrote:
Sep. 13th, 2007 12:05 am (UTC)
Good work, Captain Subtle.

Pshak is dead. Sniff. :(
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[info]wiffly_shwoo wrote:
Sep. 13th, 2007 05:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, and BTW, don't worry about being messed up about getting killed. I was toying with the idea of retiring my previous character because some of the OOC stuff was so annoying, but I still felt emotional when she got Malathianed at the first event last year.
Though I did get a kick out of the fact when Griannon was asked why he'd sacrificed Atticus Fitwarren, my character's death was his excuse.
Woo! I continue to stir shit well after my death.
And though my first character died at his second event, all the shit that kicked up from that is still very much clear and present :D
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[info]esther_reeves wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 06:19 pm (UTC)
I was in a right mess after my stargate character died, partly because of OOC stuff associated with it but also I think when you put a lot into playing a character they do become real to you in a way, much like some novelists say characters start doing things of their own accord. I don't think you are un-usual or strange for doing so. Grieve then move on. By next event you should be able to start something new and have fun.

Hugs about the car journey too that must have been the last thing you needed.
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[info]penguin_worship wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:32 pm (UTC)
Yes, in someways it is also similar to being incredibly emotionally entangled in an incredibly intense book, and leaving it on the bus. I do have a few ideas already for a new character, and have found a serving wench secondary - but it was so hard at the event to get into the character i had planned, the blue avian.

but yes, in time it will be fine....and *yay* new things to poke
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[info]esther_reeves wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:36 pm (UTC)
I pretty much always offer to monster if the rest of the event if I lose a character. Find I can't jump from one to another.. NPC's are different. Can't really do that at Maelstrom though.
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[info]sheilagh wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 06:31 pm (UTC)
Maybe you need a small funeral for this character? Some ephemera from playing that particular persona that could be buried in a quiet corner of the yard....
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[info]blackcurrants wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 06:51 pm (UTC)
if a character can surprise you, the player, then (to my mind) the character becomes very real. I know if/when I stop playing Ansellina I'll miss her, and I know if she died I'd mourn her in some way.
Heh. even writing it sounds like a bit of a headf8ck, so I see where you're coming from. But while we are these people, and while we're not, they're pretty real to us. So.. I can see why you'd miss her.
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[info]penguin_worship wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:29 pm (UTC)
Pshak was certainly full of surprises *wry* But yes, it will take time i think. However i just need to keep reminding myslef about how much its kicked different parts of the game and different characters off in different directions, which can only be a GOOD thing.

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[info]penguin_worship wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:30 pm (UTC)
I think i may need to do that, once i can pluck up the courage to go through her kit and sort it out.

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[info]eglantinedreams wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 07:04 pm (UTC)
Oh that does sound intense!

Dom told me about the car the other day. I'm just glad no-one got hurt.

There are many hugs waiting for you whenever you want to collect them.

big love xx
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[info]penguin_worship wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:27 pm (UTC)
It was. Maybe this weekend. Was intending to go to Oxford but will probably give it amiss due to car faff and D working fri eve. SO i'm thinking a quiet weekend in Brighton may be in order
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[info]invisible_al wrote:
Sep. 12th, 2007 08:51 pm (UTC)
Hey when our Bakhana characters were offed we were in bits, I was so angry I couldn't talk to the guys who had done it for a whole event. So don't feel bad about being emotional about this, if you play hard and really hang it out there emotionally as a character it hits you hard when that gets cut off.

It helped when we managed to bounce back with a good group concept, it also helped that we all died together I suppose. Do you think you're going to rejoin the Wayward scholars? Can I suggest possibly an Eidolon or a 5pt Blessing of ming, as I think that might fit a player returning to a group. 5pt blessing are also very k3wl :).

Does it help that you had an angry mob of your own and that your death sparked off a whole cascade of events that will echo for events to come?

I know with us sitting around in our tent with our OOC arm bands just after we'd been chopped into little bits was grim, especially when people came in and we described the blood on the walls and they just went 'oh' and left. But then someone came in and went 'fuck' and went and got the Gnolls, CSI Bantustan was on the case. We had trouble stopping laughing as the gnolls licked the walls, sniffed the pools of blood and the guy in charge then confidently led the Grumpf through the evidence and declared 'This is work of one man' to a look of utter 'you what?' on the Grumpf's face.

It was the fact that people cared about our deaths and did some amazing roleplaying with them that made it better, helped that we got to see it as well.

*hugs* And just from me, I am sad that I never got to meet Pshak, but I know people will be telling me stories about you at some point.
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[info]noughat wrote:
Sep. 13th, 2007 10:56 am (UTC)
Bmovie?
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[info]penguin_worship wrote:
Sep. 13th, 2007 11:01 am (UTC)
could be an idea. I am working round the corner and have possibility of work drinks after work which would keep me arround til B Movie happened. I might do an arrive early and get the last train home though.

What time are you planning on getting there?

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[info]noughat wrote:
Sep. 13th, 2007 12:16 pm (UTC)
About 9pm..
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[info]gin_gerkitten wrote:
Sep. 13th, 2007 01:43 pm (UTC)
*snuglehugs*
Sorry to hear, hon. I'm going to miss Pshak.
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[info]mistress_helly wrote:
Sep. 13th, 2007 03:47 pm (UTC)
I've said it before, but I'll say it again, Pshak was cool! I will miss her!

If you get really into playing a character then it can be hard to lose them unexpectadly. I always try to have a few fun backups ready to go, that's how I cope, but it's still hard.

Next time I see you we can have a giggle at who Whisper went to for help to find your killers ;) and who she refused to believe!
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( 22 comments — Leave a comment )